Hard Work Makes Most Things Possible

 So this morning, I got up and went into the bathroom like always and stepped on my scale, which I do quite regularly. It's actually very weird to see my scale as a companion and not as an enemy. I use it to gauge where I am at and make sure I'm going in the right direction. If it doesn't seem to be moving, I can reflect on the previous days and see what I have been eating and if I can make adjustments such as, perhaps I ate too much salt or not enough protein. The biggest is, not enough water which my NP keeps informing me. If you happen to stumble upon this Miss Nicki, I am so very sorry! I promise I am trying to drink less coffee and more water! I've also added back in drinking electrolytes every day like I am supposed to...one step at a time.

Anyway, so this morning I stepped onto the scale and it showed 248.0 on the scale. I started my journey at 342 lbs or 24.43 stone or 155.13 Kilos for my guests that may use different measurements. That's a total so far of 94 lbs|6.7 stone|42.64 Kilos lost. I am so close to the 100 lb mark I can taste it, yet it seems so surreal that I started this journey less than a year ago. June 4, 2021 was the first appointment I had at MediWeightloss clinic. I didn't really have the goal of being their poster child, but the ladies there have been so amazing, and they've been so encouraging and a big part of my success, that I feel I owe them that much and seeing how well I personally have done on the program, my goal sort of morphed into being the poster child for them. 

I lost a whopping 16 lbs|1.14 stone|7.26 Kilos my first week on the program. They advertise a loss of UP to 10 lbs the first week. I started the program already running above average. I was determined not to fail. I have hashimotos disease with hypothyroidism, spinal stenosis in my L5/L6 region with severe pain, high cholesterol, my blood pressure was elevated and any stress at all made it go higher. I am not diabetic per se, but my sugar would have days that I would be all messed up. I had edema pretty much everywhere and I couldn't stand seeing myself in a mirror and especially in pictures. My mother posted a picture of me that literally made me break down and gave me such anxiety and depression that I had to ask her to remove it. She was just a mom posting a picture of having a lovely day with her family and I couldn't stand seeing myself in the picture. I cried every single day when I woke up because I had to get out of bed. Not from depression but because it hurt to exist. I knew getting up was going to cause me extreme pain and discomfort that I would cry and have to think about whether or not I could do it. It was leading to a lot of depression because let's face it, if you can't get of bed, you're pretty much an invalid and when it's because you're morbidly obese, it's really your own fault in many ways. But being obese is in and of itself a mental game because it's a vicious cycle of depression, wanting to change, and not really being able to change. Change is really only achievable for any addiction or self inflicted problem when necessary change becomes bigger than anything else in your life. Mine was, change or quit my job and become a vegetable. I have bills, I have a wonderful child and husband that need me, giving up and becoming a vegetable really wasn't an option so I had to cling to change and I had to dive head first into it.

I see so many people fat shame and make comments about obese people when they themselves have never faced the obstacles we face when we are obese. For one thing, many of us have struggled our ENTIRE lives with being overweight. I can't tell you a time I remember being what's considered a 'normal' weight. I have pictures from being a tiny toddler but, from as far back as I can remember - even in kindergarten, I remember being bigger than the other kids. I wasn't tiny and I never thought I was 'thin.' From SIX years of age I can remember feeling this way. My mom was a toothpick, she wasn't 'skinny' because she had a very nice figure, but she was very very thin and just naturally so. She never seemed to struggle with weight at all as I was growing up. She's only more recently, as time and age always seem to catch up with us, seen the more struggle it has been for those of us that have always struggled. I don't mean to single out my mom because she's always been so supportive and loving and she's ALWAYS told me how beautiful I was but it was hard seeing her never struggle and i would wonder why I couldn't be like her. This was the perception I had growing up, whether or not she struggled, I couldn't say but even when she was pregnant, she had to argue that she was even pregnant because of how tiny she was, even through her pregnancies, she barely even had bumps.

Most obese people aren't obese because they want to be obese, most of us just feel we don't have any other option because the stress and mental anguish of trying to be different or 'like everyone else' is too much. We've tried so many different things and let's face it, the marketing era has not helped us at all with so many fad diets and people out to make money off of our misery and misfortune that we struggle to even find something that makes sense or that really helps us. 

I think the problem is no one should EVER go on a diet. That's a misnomer and a detrimental way of thinking. 'If I just do this diet until I'm the -right- weight, I don't have to do it anymore.' This is totally and completely false. The biggest complaints I have seen about the clinic I am going to is this: If I stop doing the diet, I gain the weight back.

HELLO?! If you stop doing the work and eating in a way that promotes your body to be a healthy weight, of course you will gain the weight back! You can't 'go on a diet' and expect to ever reach your goal of being healthy. You need to just HAVE a healthy diet. You need to eat foods in such a way as to promote your body to have the nutrients it needs to survive and thrive. myplate.gov is an excellent site for seeing what a balanced diet is and to know how you should eat. It has the food groups and shows exactly how you need to break them up into the correct portions. It talks about whole grains and all those things of what is better for you. There are many other sites too that give great information. Eat a healthy diet, never EVER go -on a diet.' Having a diet is a lifelong commitment and a lifelong endeavor. 

This change in my thinking is I think the biggest breakthrough in weightloss. If you can understand this, you can do anything. Also, get some accountability, be open about your struggles and especially be open and honest about what you really put into your mouth, everything you put in your mouth contributes to your caloric intake - a stick of gum, a soda, sweets, meals, snacks, drinks...EVERYthing you consume adds to your calories. Start writing down what you eat, even if you are at a healthy weight, sometimes you will be very surprised how many calories you really are consuming. 

Here's to the next 100 lbs. I can do this. I will do this. I owe it to myself and to my family to be the best version of myself I can be - healthy, happy, and able to enjoy my life and not wallow in pain in misery but changing for the better.